Desireena Almoradie and Barbara Malaran’s documentary, Because of You: A History of Kilawin Kolektibo, charts the founding of the eponymous Filipinx collective. Patched together in the mid-nineties, the collective stepped in to fill representational gaps of queer Filipinas in mainstream culture and cinema. What the community mostly got was a slew of disparaging, derogatory stereotypes. The collective surged into course-correct, cutting out a path for more welcome visions of solidarity and avowals of queer visibility. The road is difficult, forking into crisis every now and then. But together, the people can march forth and demand what’s rightfully theirs, without diminishing themselves in the process.
It’s a long, fraught negotiation. There are conflicts, disagreements along the way. Praxis ensures differences propping up in how the members want to stake their struggle. The founding members speak of their discord with the white lesbians in New York. It was a silo of white queerness that neglected and excluded others. The directors are among the trailblazers behind the collective’s origins. Their work and life melded to guarantee a safer track for others. It’s work that’s not always pleasant, frequently compelling confrontations with hostilities. The documentary has a moral fire and tenacity that appear to push forth marginalised sections. It can shake you into defiance and have you forge new frameworks.
The collective began with great fervour and optimism. Hope propelled its humble roots. There was something incredibly upbeat about a group assembling to redefine strength and agency, taking away the historically prevalent vulnerability. Yet, a sense of stakes laces the marshalling of resources, the cobbling together to strike on a shared path of resistance and queer affirmation. The film doesn’t go into elaborate detail as to how it’s set up. Intricacy is traded for a rather fragmented interpellation. We see bits and pieces scattered across years. The sweep is immense, while the film focalises intimacy with few of the subjects.
Because of You dares to be expansive without getting caught up in exhaustive detail. It acknowledges the anger, despair, the whole emotional gamut the members have been on as they pieced together a picture of indomitable might and resilience. It’s not all dull and glum and gloomy. They keep themselves open and receptive to life’s joyous grace. There’s a silver lining amidst all the dire situations of being routinely undermined and patronised. It’s a bid to reinstate their position, get an equal footing.
But there are also wistful strains that creep in. Change is inevitable. Years later, someone wonders what their identity would be sans the collective. It gave confidence and dignity to the queer for inhabiting their bodies. Otherwise, there’s shame, doubt and awkwardness in their skin. What does it take to break through and own one’s body unapologetically and with pure joy? It’s the great gift of the collective, which saw them as replete unto themselves.
The documentary is deliberately disruptive. It keeps seeming to fracture, its inherent tensions spilling out. Rather, it’s a torch to the decades of working together, laughing together in the face of opposition and bullying. It’s a unison that buoys their lives which otherwise are mired in melancholy, resignation and constant haranguing. Every other day brings harassment and undermining, uncharitable remarks. Each day foists a challenge to self-image. The gaze is cruel and severe and merciless. Within it, the collective finds pockets of giving a lease of beautiful experiences to the people. Things are tough to bear, but the members have got each other’s backs. The collective reshapes and remoulds their self-esteem. One grows because the other is actively watching out. It’s a steady anchorage that never drops. Years scuttle past. Equations shift. So do lifestyles, patterns and habits of living.
Someone remarks later about not being able to hang out at pubs as much as they did in youth. Age realigns priorities. The optics with which one approaches life changes at a fundamental level. However, the film takes considerable efforts to put a collective charge. A single perspective is swapped for a more holistic approach, one that gathers the weight of the years, the shifting tide, the delineations of resistance. Yet, they hope they can power through as the baton is passed from one generation to the next. Because of You: A History of Kilawin Kolektibo is a passionate chronicle that’s imperative viewing.
