“Hitmen (2023)” is a tale encompassing love, hate, and vengeance, punctuated by various comedic twists and turns. As a film striving for casual entertainment, it could have been a remarkable lighthearted experience. Regrettably, this potential is squandered by the creators, who delve excessively into gimmicks and self-indulgence within the plot and execution, resulting in a colossal bore by the end. The editing appears haphazard, and the screenplay fails to captivate, leaving you seated without engagement. The narrative introduces a surplus of unnecessary characters burdened with protracted backstories that serve no purpose other than to elongate the movie’s duration. Furthermore, the pervasive whining tone throughout the film is particularly irksome, exacerbated by lackluster dialogues and uninspiring acting performances.

This article aims to provide a more detailed discussion of the film. If you have yet to watch “Hitmen,” it is advised that you first view the movie before proceeding with this article, as it contains spoilers.

Hitmen (2023) Plot Summary and Movie Synopsis:

In a charming English café, the once unassailable connection between Luke and Lauren Loveday, a married couple, has gradually eroded over their ten-year voyage of love and camaraderie. Their relationship now stands at a crossroads. Luke’s yearning for validation and respect clashes with Lauren’s mounting frustration regarding his meticulous skincare regimen, which seems to have rendered him a delicate and overly cautious individual. If critiquing a man’s masculinity based on skincare habits was a societal norm, numerous male models would have faced unemployment. However, Lauren’s dissatisfaction with her ostensibly feeble partner has escalated, teetering on the precipice of contemplating separation.

The escalating quarrel might have persisted unabated if not for the audacious intrusion of an American youth, Jackie, whose flirtatious advances towards the stunning Lauren incite a volatile altercation. Her acerbic retort wounds his pride, prompting an ill-conceived display of bravado in the form of indecent exposure. As tensions escalate, the confrontation devolves into a physical altercation. Both Luke and Lauren find themselves compelled to defend against the threat – Luke, driven by an urge to reaffirm his masculinity, inadvertently triggers a tragic outcome resulting in the young man’s accidental demise. In the meantime, Lauren vehemently employs her heels to fend off the unwelcome intruder.

For a fleeting moment, fortune smiles upon the Lovedays. Their claim of self-defense spares them from manslaughter charges, though the tempest is far from over. It emerges that the American youth is, in fact, the grandson of a formidable and enigmatic magnate named Michael Hero. Consumed by vengeance, Michael enlists his adopted son, Daniel, a vigilant bodyguard, along with his cocaine-addicted son, Paris. Michael’s pursuit of retribution compels him to engage his trusted confidant, The Major, who, in turn, establishes contact with Italian mob boss Don Salvatore Piazza. Responding to The Major’s entreaty, the don dispatches his elite assassin, The Reaper, with the mission of eliminating the Lovedays.

As Luke and Lauren navigate a bustling department store, blissfully unaware of the imminent peril, The Reaper stealthily closes in. Despite his prior display of ruthless efficiency – decimating a gang of German bikers with ease – fate intervenes unexpectedly. The hitman’s path is obstructed by a slick floor, causing a momentary stumble just as he is poised to strike at the Lovedays. Seizing the opportune moment, Lauren disarms and shoots him at point-blank range, a decision Luke vehemently contests. Miraculously, they manage to escape capture, although the looming threat of a seasoned assassin continues to cast a shadow.

Piazza’s pride sustains a profound blow as his formidable hitman succumbs to mere civilians. The narrative pivots to introduce an assortment of eccentric assassins hailing from diverse corners of the globe, united by the singular objective of eliminating the Lovedays. This eclectic ensemble encompasses a reformed Afghan warlord, the trio of daughters sired by a notorious mobster, an AWOL sharpshooter, and an enigmatic arsonist who communicates through primal sounds. This disparate group of killers rallies around a shared bounty of $1 million on the couple’s heads.

A still from Hitmen (2023).
A still from Hitmen (2023).

Amidst this deadly assembly, Justin Villain emerges as a potentially potent asset. His story commences with an assignment from Valerie, a tale involving the elimination of her volatile boyfriend. In an ironic twist, they join forces to neutralize the threat, embarking on a passionate yet ephemeral partnership marked by love and shared eliminations. Tragedy strikes when Valerie succumbs to a sudden ailment, leaving Justin consumed by grief. Contemplating a tragic end, a fortuitous call regarding the Lovedays’ predicament postpones his dire decision. Entrusted with safeguarding the couple, Justin’s mission metamorphoses from extinguishing life to preserving it. He embarks on a perilous journey to shield the star-crossed lovers from an onslaught of ruthless assassins, determined to weave a protective cocoon around them amid the storm of danger.

Following their interrogation for the shootout at the store, the police release Luke and Lauren, albeit with a stern warning to prioritize their safety. Later that day, they gather at Tony’s bar, owned by Lauren’s brother, to celebrate their newfound freedom. Amidst the lively festivities, the Lovedays once again find themselves under siege, this time by three distinct hitmen – the AWOL sharpshooter named John Salas, the hippie arsonist Finch ‘Firestarter’ Franklin, and the Afghan warlord Paul Ali Rahman. Tragically, Tony’s life is claimed by the warlord’s lethal assault, yet the Lovedays manage a narrow escape amidst the ensuing chaos.

Nonetheless, whenever the narrative shifts focus onto Luke and Lauren, their strained rapport proves increasingly grating. Even in the face of their friend’s brutal murder and the looming threat posed by genuine hitmen, their quasi-farcical demeanor strips the moment of any potential gravitas.

After engaging in a two-minute hushed deliberation within the confines of their kitchen, discussing the optimal weapon to wield in a potential confrontation with professional hitmen, the couple seeks solace in their bedroom, where they collapse onto the bed and remain for hours. As night descends, an unexpected visitor – potentially a priest or a hitman – materializes, driven by a desire to claim the bounty on the Lovedays. Their salvation arrives in the form of Justin, who intervenes just in the nick of time.

Hitmen (2023) Movie Ending Explained:

What Happens to Luke and Lauren in the End?

Following Justin’s intervention, Luke and Lauren act with self-interest, fleeing their home without bringing Justin along. After an extended drive, they reach a hotel named Hotel California, where they spend a considerable period awaiting their fate.

Meanwhile, Paris, Michael’s own son and Jackie’s father, arrives in London with a dual purpose – to avenge his son’s death and to earn his father’s approval. Procuring a gun from an acquaintance, he heads to the hotel where Luke and Lauren are residing.

Simultaneously, John Salas arrives at the same hotel, but an altercation with the receptionist leads to a tragic outcome as he shoots her in a fit of rage. The gunshot jolts Luke into alertness. He rouses Lauren from her slumber, and the two concoct a plan to extricate themselves from the precarious situation. However, before they can act, John Salas stands at their doorstep, masquerading as a hotel staff member. Skeptical of his intentions, Luke and Lauren formulate their own scheme to neutralize John Salas. Armed with a wrench, Luke positions himself behind the door, intending to strike John Salas as he enters.

A twist ending of Hitmen unfolds when Justin arrives at the hotel, positioning himself behind John Salas. However, unbeknownst to all, Paris also arrives, lurking behind Justin. As Justin draws his gun, Paris fires a shot, incapacitating him. Amid the chaos, John Salas momentarily turns away from the door, enabling Luke to swing it open and strike him.

However, another twist follows swiftly. In a climactic confrontation, Justin tackles Paris to the ground. Yet, in the midst of this turmoil, Paris regains consciousness and shoots Lauren. Simultaneously, the police converge on the scene, breaching the room and fatally shooting John Salas before he can harm Luke. In the chaotic crossfire, all individuals within the room meet their demise.

The subsequent scene portrays a mourning Michael, grieving for his son and haunted by the repetition of the phrase “What I’ve done.” In the background, Daniel’s voice echoes, underscoring the notion that vengeance fails to yield justice; instead, it fosters hatred.

Read More: Mother, May I? (2023): Movie Ending Explained – What Happened to the Couple?

Hitmen (2023) Movie Trailer

Hitmen (2023) Movie Links: IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes
Hitmen (2023) Movie Cast: Eric Roberts, Charlie Rawes, Lois Brabin-Platt

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